Tarry in my soul and you help make me whole

megangoogles @ 2009-03-16T05:25:00

2009-03-20T00:52:53Z

for all the times i tried to find the reasons
why and i found you instead..

megangoogles @ 2009-02-19T03:57:00

2009-02-23T00:33:37Z

new and exciting things need to start happening..

megangoogles @ 2009-02-02T05:28:00

2009-02-06T02:00:51Z

I want to be the happiest I could possibly be. I know that is ridiculously unrealistic considering my life is great as is, but I want that something else because it hasn't been there in so long. I'm completely aware that I think too much and judge too quickly, I'm so afraid of being hurt or lied to that I push everything good away in fear that things could change for the worse. That's always been my problem though. I gave you a chance, one that I promised I wouldn't give out again and you fucked it up, again. I'm realizing though that it's fine because I can do so much better; because I have. I want to find those great qualities and compatibility in someone again. Someone I can have fun with or have fun doing nothing at all. Someone I can trust because I'm over assholes, they do nothing but lie and decieve.

megangoogles @ 2009-01-05T23:06:00

2009-01-06T05:07:13Z

life is so wonderful right now. i just have to work on a few things. and i'm a little nervous to see how a few things play out.... happy new year!!!!!!!!

megangoogles @ 2009-01-01T15:53:00

2009-01-01T21:54:06Z

couldn't have started the new year off in any better way. soo good. happy 2009!

megangoogles @ 2008-12-28T13:13:00

2008-12-28T19:16:26Z

i'm so in love with my friends, it's disgusting. I have the mosst amazing friends in the universe that have done nothing but make my birthday wonderful! (both last night, today, and my suprise party). i don't know what i'd do without them. I'M 18! I CAN BUY PORN, INFOMERCIALS, LOTTERY TICKETS, CIGS IN NY, PED-EGGS..... cool! hahaha

megangoogles @ 2008-12-17T21:02:00

2008-12-18T03:05:49Z

So when is that time going to come when you realize that it may just be you, not only every single one of your friends that cared about you more than anything. The friends that were there when no one else was, and for the most part, were completely honest with you. And on her part, she only held back to keep everyone happy and you know that. I just wish you could see this from any point of view other than your own, although you say you do. I wonder when you'll realize that it is you. I wish you could just so everything could go back to this time last year. No one ever said you were a bad friend, it's just some qualities that aren't who you truely are, more of who you choose to be when you're angry. I have a feeling that realization will come too late...

megangoogles @ 2008-12-08T20:25:00

2008-12-09T02:25:43Z

I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me

megangoogles @ 2008-12-05T14:05:00

2008-12-05T20:10:28Z

The worst feeling in the world is regret. I never used to have regret, but i guess its one of those things you realize more once you're older because you have more things to be worrying about. I wish I could change things, the way and acted and the person i was around you. I'm constantly putting up a front that pushes people away and at the end of the day, I'm wishing I didn't. I hate seeing other people move on when I'm still so far set back. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but it's so true, mostly because I used to be that person always moving on and going foward. You would think by now I would assume certain things just aren't meant to be, but for some reason i can't let go. The most frustrating thing is that this never used to be the person I was, I just want to go back to being so care-free. It's horrible that I think about this so much because it never even went far, I think it's just because i feel like things could have been so good, and I never feel that way about anything or anyone.

megangoogles @ 2008-11-24T10:13:00

2008-11-24T16:14:00Z

UGGGH this is so frustrating

megangoogles @ 2008-11-05T15:20:00

2008-11-05T20:31:10Z

halloween was great! The girls and I went to Ryan Giblings house in Keyport on Halloween night. I saw lots of good people, and met some too. It was so much fun and basically everyone was wasted haha. Saturday, Rachal, Alyssa, Morgan and I went to get breakfast. I showered and stuff at Morgan's then we picked up Kevin and went to Bayville for a while to get Devin. Morg and I went back to her house later to get ready and wait for Kelly and Rachal. We went to Kate's in Red Bank with everyone and it was also lots of fun! Alyssa came back from North Jersey early and suprised me, it was wonderful. Sunday I had work which sucked because i was very hung over. Yesterday was a half day so Kelly and I went to get Alyssa from school then met Lauren back at Alyssa's house and went to Mahzu for sushi. I got my car back which was a nice suprise because I didn't think it'd be finished yet. I had work, who knew so many people would want to get wasted after voting? haha. I don't know how I feel about Obama winning, but I guess either way I'm just hopeful he really does do great things for our country. I came home from school early today and watched Never Been Kissed, i love that movie. I have to clean my room now, then hopefully going out later. Alyssa and I leave for Rhode Island tomorrow, then Kel and rach come Friday and we still til Saturday. I'm excited!:)

megangoogles @ 2008-10-27T23:00:00

2008-10-29T03:06:31Z

All i want is that feeling again.The feeling of complete contentness when around that person and being able to be your complete self. Being able to say whatever you want and not feel awkward or worry about what the other person is thinking, because you already know. That feeling you have every single time they call you or come to pick you up. The feeling of, no matter how often you fight with that person, you still know when all is said and done you still care about him and know he's caring about you. Knowing that no matter how angry you get at one another, you don't want anyone else.

It took me over a year to get over the last person I had all of this completely with. Lately, I feel like he's the only person I'll ever have this feeling with and I think about it all the time if I should regret the decisions I made. I feel like this is never going to come again because although he had so so many flaws, they were perfect in every single way. Every other guys flaws, are just regular annoying ones...

megangoogles @ 2008-10-26T17:48:00

2008-10-27T22:00:26Z

I had the scariest, but most wonderful dream friday night.. it was wonderful because I got to see you and talk to you, but so scary because of the message and what happened after. Saturday morning a crazy woman crashed into my car then proceeded to crash into the bank. Luckily, everyone was fine except both of our cars are fucked.

Friday after work i went to Morgan's with kelly and rachal then we waited for alyssa and got ready to go to Evan's. We hung out there for a little then went to Keyport for some party. It was pretty interesting, but also funny and extremely awkward hahaha. I love my babies. We left around 1 and i drove rach's car back to my house where alyssa slept over. Saturday the accident happened and after that I layed around all day until like 4. I showered and got ready then went to morgs and drove her car with her to Monmouth mall for a quick H&M stop. After that while it was pouring rain we took posh on an adventure to Bayville. We hung out with morgs boy Devon and 2 of his friends. On our way home it was down-pouring. We picked up kelly and rach then got ready at morgans, waited for alyssa and went to kate's in Red Bank. Lauren and Maura were there also so it was very nice! The cops came within the first 20 minutes of us being there, so we all had to leave. We drove around with everyone there in a line of 6 cars to asbury only to find out we couldnt go there and could go back to kate's haha. It was fun though,a lot of fun. Sunday, Alyssa, Rach, Kelly and i went to mom's for breakfast, as usual. We went back to kel's after meeting chris for a bottle. I got ready then went to morgs and went to alyssa's. We went to Dunkin Donuts in sayreville to pregame and meet rachal ahaha. how many shots me and kelly took i could not tell you because it kept going up past 7 the whole night. We met up with Evan, Zach and donny there. Minus the bear was fucking amazing and it was so much fun, we were insane. I saw a bunch of people i knew.

This morning going to school hungover and on 4 hours of sleep was hell. I just woke back up. I miss buttercup.

Why do i keep fucking up. and why can i not stop thinking about this.....ugh

megangoogles @ 2008-10-15T19:20:00

2008-10-16T23:31:15Z

Happy Birthday in a few hours..

I remember when you turned 19, and I said "oh you can buy me cigarettes now!" and you said I was stupid and needed to quit. I remember exactly last year, we had the conversation that made you stop hating me; the one that made us finally become friends. I was watching the OC yesteray, the one when Luke got into the car accident right after everything happened with Julie and Marissa and all he wanted was to make things right before he left... all I could do was think of you which was probably why I was hysterically crying. I really hope that you know how much you changed me for the better and how much I learned from you to appreciate everything, all the little things, even before you were gone. You were the best I had, but of course I took that for granted. You were the only guy I've ever had care about me so immensly that regardless of what fucked up thing I did each night, you were always there to pick me up, help me out and show you cared. Of course I took you for granted though, because I did that to everyone at the time. I've never had someone like you, still. Never had any guy know how nuts I was or how horrible I could be and still care so much for me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you and how I think about it everyday if you believed me when I apologized to you this time last year for all the things I did. I think about it every single day.

Supboy. I hope you're watching over me up there. I hope you know everything. I hope everythings beautiful and happy where ever you are because you deserve nothing less.

I love you. There's not a minute, hour or day that goes by when I'm not thinking of you..

megangoogles @ 2008-10-12T21:46:00

2008-10-14T01:48:58Z

everything is so great besides the fact that i already want this school year to be over. weekends are wonderful though! i've been hanging out with joe a lot lately.

i havent felt that feeling in so long when you just get home and you already cant wait to see that person again, until now.
:)

megangoogles @ 2008-10-06T21:52:00

2008-10-08T01:53:35Z

youreeeeeeeeeeee perfeccccccttttttttttttt

megangoogles @ 2008-10-04T23:14:00

2008-10-06T03:16:01Z

and of course you let me down

karma really is a bitch

megangoogles @ 2008-10-02T22:01:00

2008-10-04T02:02:40Z

i know youre not this person....

megangoogles @ 2008-09-30T16:14:00

2008-10-01T20:21:32Z

nice drunk post from last night. friday i worked then came home to sleep a lot. saturday i went to staten island for an eye doctor appointment, out to lunch and then to work from 2-9. I came home to Kel, Rachal, and Alyss sitting on my couch watching TV with my parents, baha. I got ready then Chris came to get us with his friends and we went to a party in New Brunswick. It was really fun, we hung out with Lauren who I hadn;t seen in a while. Drunkenly went to wawa on the way home and slept at rachal's. Sunday I had work and did some homework. Monday after school Kel, Rach, Alyss and me went to taco bell then hung out at Kelly's. We came back to my house afterwards for my sister's birthday dinner and stuff. We all went to josh's after that with Evan, Maura, Zach and Donny. It was a lot of fun but we didnt stay long because we went to Morgans around 1230 and played a big game of kings with everyone. Yesterday we went out to breakfast with my sister then picked up Maura and did some shopping in red bank. I went home with Kel to get changed ten went back to Alyssa's. We watched 90210 and then got ready to go to Nick's house at monmouth. It was a lot of fun and raelly good to see him. Great 2 days off. I'm dreading school tomorrow, my SAT tutor and the SATS on saturday. ugggh, off to work.

hopefully i dont fuck this up....

megangoogles @ 2008-09-30T02:22:00

2008-10-01T06:23:52Z

amazing. i dont want a thing to change but twith my lcuk it probabl will

megangoogles @ 2008-09-24T21:33:00

2008-09-26T01:35:47Z

i miss summer

but im ready for all new things to come...

ps.
1. kd stop complaining about our relationship via livejournal, i'll give you a bj in lunch tomorrow.. chill bitch
2. joe crocco stop creeping my livejournal or ill squirt you with my water bottle tomorrow.

megangoogles @ 2008-09-22T22:32:00

2008-09-24T02:33:42Z

i want to have that feeling, but i feel like it can't even exist anymore.

megangoogles @ 2008-09-10T22:06:00

2008-09-12T02:12:55Z

There are so many things going on in my head all the time lately. I feel like there is not enough time in the day, week or month, but when I do have some free time I'm immediately bored and thinking about things I don't want to think about. Life is great, my friends are the best i could ever ask for and I love my family so much (aside from my sister being her usual selfish-self). Something is missing and it's driving me crazy because I just don't know what it is. I work 4 to 5 days a week (and i got a great raise!), go to school, have my SAT tutor, drink and smoke way too often and I'm still not more than content which makes me feel so stupid. I'm so ready to get out of here and be done with everything, but if i really think about it nothing scares me more than anything the only people I really love and truely love me aswell.

I don't understand so many people and I'm sure as hell that they don't understand me. I wish I could forget so much right now in so many aspects because it's driving me crazy. Oh, and I've never believed in karma so much until now. Oh, and Why do i have such on and off feelings about you? Ugh, i can't take it. As for my sister... I can't even begin to talk about it because I think i'll explode. None of this makes sense, i don't even care though.

I want someone. I really just think i need to smoke.

megangoogles @ 2008-09-03T19:34:00

2008-09-04T23:36:07Z

megangoogles @ 2008-08-28T16:24:00

2008-08-29T20:27:01Z

It makes me so angry, but most of all upset, that you still try to get me to forgive you.... and that I think about it.